These days, everyone seems to have an opinion about everyone else’s life choices, especially when it comes to motherhood. From well-meaning relatives to random strangers at the shopping mall and of course social media in-laws, it seems like everyone has something to say about how you should take care of your child.
You’d be trying to buy ice cream on a hot day and hear things like: “Don’t take ice cream because it will fill your milk with sugar. You’d be healing from labor pains at home and hear unsolicited advice like “Always give your baby water when doing exclusive breastfeeding,” “Use herbs to hasten the closure of your baby’s fontanelle otherwise…”
I remember being in the hospital for a routine check up sometime ago, and some people had rushed in with a baby that was about two months old. The baby’s face, arms and legs were swollen, was having seizures, going pale and everything seemed to be going south.
The mother couldn’t even speak, the mother-in-law was there shouting, “Abasi Mbok! Abasi Mbok!” Upon evaluation, it turned out that the baby was suffering from a severe sodium imbalance due to water intoxication. The mother-in-law had taken it upon herself to give the baby a bottle of well water while the mother went to bathe. The baby was crying (she doesn’t support exclusive breastfeeding without water as she would rant regularly about this) according to her, ”the cry sounded like the baby wanted water and that was how she raised the baby’s father with the same water.” When the doctors probed further, they discovered, it wasn’t “grandma’s” first time administering well water to the baby. Thankfully, the doctors were able to manage the situation and save the baby’s life.
I’m not saying advice is bad but you should only take it from trusted professionals. Because a practice worked for one mum doesn’t mean it’ll work for another. So, grab a cup of coffee (or a glass of wine – no judgment here), and let’s dive into why motherhood should be off-limits to “passers-by.”
It’s Your Uterus, Not a Public Forum
First things first, you alone carried the baby in your womb, so why should other people’s unqualified opinions count? Just because someone has a uterus doesn’t mean they’re automatically qualified to weigh in on someone else’s reproductive choices.
Whether it’s the decision to have children, the number of children or the timing of said children, it’s a personal choice that belongs solely to you (and your partner, if applicable). So, unless they’re planning on renting out space in your uterus, people should keep their opinions to themselves.
Parenting Isn’t a One-Size-Fits-All Situation
There’s really no instruction manual for parenting. What works for one parent-child duo might not work for another, and that’s perfectly okay. Whether it’s breastfeeding versus formula feeding, co-sleeping versus sleep training, or gentle parenting versus “Nigerian parenting”, there’s no one “right” way to raise a child. So, instead of doling out unsolicited advice, why do people not offer support and solidarity instead? Trust me, it’s a lot more helpful.
The Mommy Wars Are So Last Season
Ah, the infamous mommy wars – because nothing says “empowerment” like tearing down other women for their parenting choices, right? Wrong.
Let’s leave the judgment and mom-shaming in the past where they belong and focus on lifting each other up instead. After all, we’re all just doing the best we can with the hand we’ve been dealt. So, whether you’re a stay-at-home mom, a working mom, or a hybrid of the two, let’s raise a glass to each other and say cheers to the sisterhood of motherhood.
Privacy, Please!
Just because someone chooses to share snippets of their parenting journey on social media doesn’t mean they’re inviting the world to critique their every move. So people should refrain from dropping hot takes on other peoples’ parenting posts.
Let’s look at it this way, there’s not enough context to even judge mothers on. We do not know what they’re going through/have gone through and should try to be supportive as much as possible or just let them be.
In a world where everyone seems to have an opinion about everything, it’s important to remember that motherhood is not up for debate.
Whether you’re a seasoned mom, a first-timer, mom-to-be, or somewhere in between, your choices are valid, your experiences are valid, and your voice matters. So, the next time someone tries to make your motherhood their business, kindly remind them that the only person qualified to make decisions about your life is you – and maybe your partner, if they’re lucky.
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