Like the koko master, D Banj said, “don’t get it twisted, love is a beautiful thing!” However, what you make of it is mostly what you get from it. A lot of people have been complaining about the toxicity of most relationships these days and I often wonder why they miss the obvious signs.
As a self-acclaimed expert in matters of the heart, I’ve decided to make a list of a few things that should be considered as serious red flags in relationships. Once you see these things, in your own interest, it’s best to just walk away as there’s no point in trying to salvage the situation. You know what they say; a stitch in time saves nine. Here’s my list of five
Fidelity
See ehn…a partner that doesn’t cheat cannot be trusted! True love they say is tested in adversity. Have you tested your partner’s love for you? What better way to test your partner’s love than by putting them through shege with infidelity?
If they stick around, then they truly love you but if they don’t, then they don’t even deserve you in the first place.
I mean, a relationship that would stand the test of time has to be spiced with the highs of secret affairs coupled with the lows of paranoia and guilt, right?
This emotional rollercoaster is the perfect recipe to keep your life interesting and your heart rate perpetually elevated. Otherwise, you’ll get bored. Who needs a peaceful life when you can have constant drama?
Let’s not forget that variety is the spice of life and that cheating comes with a lot of health benefits and what’s not to love about getting STDs every seven market days? My dear, if your partner does not cheat, please run.
Too Much Romance
Hear me out…I know romance is one of the major secrets of a thriving relationship but I have to point out that when it isn’t properly executed, it is a worthy cause for walking away from a relationship.
You probably haven’t considered this but what’s romance without a sprinkle of dramatic fights, especially in public places like worship centres or cinemas? It gives your relationship a unique quality, trust me.
Make sure to have at least one huge argument in a public place for this unique effect. Shouting, tears, and storming off are important elements. But don’t worry, makeup sex is just around the corner, and it’ll be as passionate as your fight was irrational.
If romance in your relationship isn’t similar to this, it’s time to walk away with your head held high. They don’t deserve you.
Non-Toxic Partner
Non-toxic relationships are hoaxes and should be reserved strictly for the fainthearted or the trash can. You can easily tell that a relationship is great when it stretches you and makes you better, just constantly adding value to you.
If you’re looking for more; you want to hone your resilience and enhance your problem-solving skill, then, an abusive relationship is in order.
It’s like living in a real-life game of emotional chess. In addition to honing these skills, you’ll also gain mastery of tact and diplomacy, conflict resolution and avoidance, crisis management, self preservation, just to mention a few. Did I mention the thrill of constantly living in a state of fight or flight? Priceless!
The picture looks good, right. Only a toxic relationship can provide these things and many more. So what are you waiting for? Trash those non-toxic relationships and head out to where you truly belong. You rock!
Gifts
I’ve been seeing all these endless arguments online about how much a woman should get from a man because she is beautiful and what nots. To avoid these unnecessary talks, let’s just cancel the whole gifting culture or maybe put another twist to it.
Who really needs a gift when there are a number of important things to do with money? Look, if your partner gifts you more than once in 2 years. You might need to have a chat with them because they’re probably starting to lose sight of more important things and if they don’t take corrections, it’s okay to dump them. Everyone deserves a focused partner, especially you.
Laughter
Does your partner laugh too much? Oh no, not good! Do they make you laugh? Red flag! Did I say red flag, sorry it’s a red banner!
Any partner that’s willing to put in the time, energy and effort to see your face light up is actually after your life and you need to see this red banner for what it is urgently and take to your heels.
Trust me, there is no need to second guess this move, I’ve seen it from experience and it doesn’t ever end well. Just run now before your composure is affected and you’re laughing helplessly around them too.
There are loads of other interesting red flags to look out for in a relationship but I guess I’ll just stop here. I hope I’ve been able to confuse you and not convince you about why you don’t need the regular types of relationship and most especially my expertise on relationship issues…lol. I think I should start a master class soon.
The goal is to point out the chaos and low-quality opinions we’ve permitted in shaping our decisions and how it has put a blur on right and wrong in relationships making it very difficult to decipher where to draw the line.
Falling into a situation where any of these toxic opinions become your reality can leave you scarred for life so it’s best to avoid them all together.
Disclaimer: The reasons stated here are only parodies and shouldn’t be adopted as a yardstick for walking away from relationships but if you choose to adopt it, who am I to judge you?
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